"I was busy living all the while, and living with a fire in my heart and in my belly that roared unabashedly in broad daylight in public parks and squares-- a fire that lit up my whole horizon. It is still there though the red flames are now turning blue and even white, an indication perhaps that the fire in me has reached the extremes of temperatures and can only transform into a superior form of energy from here."
EXTRACTS FROM A CHAT WITH AN OLD INTELLECTUAL FRIEND (Name of the friend changed to hide his identity as this is being posted here without seeking his prior consent)
11:16amS. P. G.
It is such a pleasent surprise to see your name on my screen board!!
I thought i was there for sometime now. good to see you here.
I never expected you to be approaching me for any corrections as between us whatever we do is always correct !!~
just that i wanted to make sure you do visit the blog. but what do you do these days, apart from your profession?
Any way, after gaps for long, there are ways of finding excuses to reconnect !
some reading, some thinking, and less writing !!
Gaps never divide good souls and no excuses ever unite bad ones.
11:20amS. P. G.
very wellsaid !
I am excited about this thinking stuff. how do you manage to do this. i have tried and failed for nearly fifty years.
11:21amS. P. G.
still the gaps in time and space have to be managed !!
I never tried ! That is one reason that I co0uld never fail;
You got into using your thinking skills in the public domain, you did it very well ! I have always respected you for doing it so well.
I must say you are lucky that you did not try. I tried because i was never satisfied with the thoughts that came to my mind. Finally I gave up. and found that feelings and instinct are more reliable as friends than thoughts could ever be.
11:26amS. P. G.
I was always in the public domain in a manner of speaking, but remained an individual, maintaining a distance. I think that worked well for me.
You are very right, instincts and feelings precede thought and survive thought, the only trouble is that all articulation and sharing takes place in thought !!
For example, we are together because of the feelings that we have shared and sought to bring us together for long, in many ways unspoken and unsaid any where !
May be I am getting nostalgic about the moments that we spent together !
Are you around ?
I have enjoyed being in the public domain because it never involved any thinking or giving even one percent of me to the job. It is so hollow and meaningless that any class ten student can do it with eyes shut, and i did that too. and enjoyed it because it left nearly ninety percent of me alone to myself. And I used that as I wanted to. I always believed that no one had a right over my sanctum sanctorum, my spirit and my free-wheeling persona. And I was never willing to surrender my right to think freely even if I knew that my ability in that direction was not worth much. Thinking was never important to me but right to think always was. As for articulation, who really cares as long as one can afford to live through instinct. i have never laid much store by things like intellect, thoughts or their articulation. They come a dime a dozen in the market. There are sellers and there are buyers of that stuff all over. But feelings and instinct are not up for sale.
I was always overawed by your learning and intelligence and always thought it fit to place my offerings to your gifts without entering that awesome temple. One reason for this could have been my own lack of education and learning and the other my knowledge that sharp intelligence was not one my assets. Nature had endowed me with a heart that throbbed at the sight of every flower and I knew then that I was born to live my life out in the garden, drinking its fragrance, living in its stunning shades, walking through it to the eternal forests and to the inviting mountains, singing as I walked and walking as I sang. I did that to my heart's fill and cannot thank god or nature enough for the grand pulsating drama that life has always been to me. I had really no time for thinking and even less for articulation. I was busy living all the while, and living with a fire in my heart and in my belly that roared unabashedly in broad daylight in public parks and squares-- a fire that lit up my whole horizon. I am still there though the red flames are now turning blue, an indication perhaps that the fire in me has reached the extremes of temperatures and can only transform into a superior form of energy from here.
I believed with all my heart that it did not require much intelligence for anyone to pass for some sort of a success in this world, intelligence just enough to make both ends meet and satisfy the vanity of some of those I was destined to live with. I am glad that I have been able to do that and have still not lost the gift of laughter. I have laughed my way through life and cried through it. Unbearable pain has been as much mine to share as has been unspeakable happiness. But in both cases, I have felt blessed that I could travel the whole distance from extreme to extreme. And were I to die tomorrow and confront God on the side of the horizon, I would have no complaints, no regrets, no desires left unfulfilled; just plain gratitude and bliss. Gratitude because this world is so full of goodness and of wonderful people; and bliss because finally the journey has not left me tired and bored. I knew at the beginning of my career that politics was not my cup of tea, but I knew too that it would make no demands on whatever little talents I had. The very little that I had would suffice, and it did. I am grateful that it never insisted on being a jealous mistress. If it had, it would have been terribly disappointed, for like Einstein, I was never born to be horse for a single harness. Unlike Einstein, though, I did not have the firepower to change this world for better or worse. But then, I am not sure if he, with all his supernatural gifts, was a happy man in the end for having made the difference that he did. He spent the last years of life trying to undo much of the "change" he had himself earlier allowed his work to bring about on this planet. This is not to imply that Einstein was not a God, but I would rather be a happy human being than a distressed deity.