TWO POSTS FROM FACE BOOK ON LOVE WITHOUT STRINGS
- I -
LOVE SANS EXPECTATIONS IS THE ONLY REALISTIC SENTIMENT: all else is either self deception or a market trade off.
SHASHI SAMUNDRA WROTE:
"Often a tyrant and a lover R two sides of a coin which in reality is an abusive relationship. It may last ur whole life or a few yrs.When u'r up on the cloud of ecstasy,nothing can bring u down. When eventually, u do come down, u see the reality. Then u may cry or laugh or do both.
"HARCHARAN BAINS WROTE:
I think you are still talking about a love ( the proper name for it is desire) which is all surrender in the silent hope of reward today , tomorrow or twenty years hence. I am talking of love where the need for reward has vanished because there is nothing your beloved can give you beyond the happiness which you already experience. You, it seems, are still talking about kindergarten mush love, of the mills and boons variety-- which is beautiul in its own right but which does not qualify to be called love as Meera or nanak experienced it. A beloved becomes a tyrant only when you placce the tools of tyranny in his/her hands; and those tools have names like expectations for a requited love. Love can not be requited -- need not be. Desire always must be requited. That is why any relationship based on desire, howsoever refined, subtle or silent the desire may be, will evnetually come down, leaving you in tears. Love without a desire for reward is not an experience of cloud nine; it is an experience down to earth. It is is the only realistic approach to love ; all else is either self deception or a mere market trade off. Self-deception as in teenager romance; market trade off, as in most relations we see, including those between husbands and wives. A market trade off need not necessarily be an quitable exchange of assets like money or real estate; it can be an equitable exchange of egos.I am talking about love as Bulle Shah experienced IT , and NOT about teenage passion as in Bobby of the 1970s or the "mutual respect" brand made popular by marriage counsellors.We need to be on the same page to carry this discussion forward. Of all the persons I know, I count you among the few capable of a serious look at issues.
- - II --
RELATIONSHIPS ARE NOTHING BUT STRINGS WHILE LOVE IS A SPRING THAT TOUCHES LILACS INTO BLOOM IN THE GARDEN OF YOUR HEART. Fragrance does not tie itself to strings. Neither does love. Relationships, on the other hand, are nothing but strings. Everything about relationships is mutual: mutual trust, mutual respect, mutual understanding, mutual accommodation, mutual adjustments, mutual this, mutual that, mutual the other. Relationships , no matter how much we glorify them, remain market trade offs --well packaged deals of mutual convenience. Most relationships -- including friendships and marriages -- end up being well disguised packages between two trading parties. Love has nothing to do with relationships. Love transcends the need to have relationships. Love is a feeling that fills and electrifies your heart for no reason at all. A mother loves her child even before any relationship exists between the two. In fact, the more a mother-child love is reduced to a relationship, the less sublime and less durable it becomes. The surest way to kill love is to confuse it with a relationship. Most of us put boundaries around our understanding of love because of our refusal to see that love and relationship are two different things. The only relationship a lover has with his/her object of love is love -- and that feeling operates beyond "terms and conditions." Lets never cheat ourselves by declaring that we love our spouses or siblings or friends while what we actually mean is that we enjoy good relationships with them. Love is a spring breeze that sets lilacs in the garden of your heart in bloom. It makes no demands. Let not even your demands for fidelity disfigure your love. Love is best summed up in two lines addressed to your beloved:
"Khilaao phool kissi ke, kissi chaman main raho ,/ Jo dil ki raahon se guzri hai woh bahaar ho tum./"