"Words are tender infants when backed with love. Be kind to them when you use them. But also be careful and be kind to those for whom you use them. Otherwise , their babble can charm God into Hell, or hurt immortality to instant death. A wounded immortality is the worst pain in this universe. Take care and be happy.
Hazel's son writes to the woman who exists and exists not...."
(Extract from "Hazel", a novellete)
"….I have known myself to be capable of handling any impact so long as there is love in my heart, and there is more of love here than you would know what to do with.
So you can leave me to deal with the residue. I am more than used to living with myself as company.
There are a lot of things I imbibed from a great woman in my life. One of these is that relationships in love are always more about others than about oneself. Initially, it was painful to try to live up to it. But the more I imbibed of the meaning of her words, the more I realised that this is the only way to be happy in relationships -- happy and secure and unchallenged. If these words had come from any other person, I would have thrown them out of the window as useless sentimentality, and would have said, " I want to live my life on my terms. If someone cannot make me happy in a relationship, she is not for me."
But I could not tell this to this woman for two reasons. One obviously was that I was madly in love with her, loved her her beyond any language, symbols, myths or metaphors invented by man can describe .The other was that I had seen her practise this in her life and being happy with it. She had won her happiness the hard way, but once won, this could not be taken away from her by anyone. She was a strong and very beautiful woman, not one of those sissy weaklings who sometimes make a virtue out of necessity and justify their slavery in relationships because they cannot have the courage to break the bondage and be free. This woman always walked free, and yet she always knew only how to give. Her independence was her thing. It came from deep within her and flowed from the eternal fountains of spirituality. There was something sweet like honey and totally unobtrusive about this independence, and it was neither assertive nor aggressive. And yet, it was quietly there -- un-negotiable, uncompromising and very, very beautiful. She was always willing to live according to the terms of her loved ones, but in doing so she changed those terms before others knew it. You would never meet a greater woman in life. I might.
This woman was my mother. I learnt form her that complete surrender and complete control are the same thing.
Go fly your way, be happy and keep everyone around you, everyone you care fo. . You have given me all I could ever have dreamt of. So now, when you are talking to me, you are talking to a God fulfilled. Its all about you and how you can be happy. If I am a factor in that , I am completely yours. If I am not a factor , I am completely yours anyway. I said it will be my lifetime's ambition to be worthy of what life has given me over the past few years.
Generally speaking, I do not fail to be worthy when I try.
And it will always be my silent effort not to be an irksome item in your baggage of happiness. If anything, I would love to remain someone who egged you on to higher heights, both personally and professionally and as a mother. When I am talking to you, I am not talking merely to the woman I love the most. I am also talking to the woman who loves -- and knows how to love --those who have a first right on her affections; your children, your mother and your brother and dad.
I have never loved a woman with this intensity before, and I never can. No son of a woman in this generation can. If I can not , that means love comes to a dead stop at this end. Love does not travel beyond me. I am the final destination of this glorious sentiment in life.
Words are tender infants when backed with love. Be kind to them when you use them. But also be careful and be kind to those for whom you use them. Otherwise , their babble can charm God into Hell, or hurt immortality to instant death. A wounded immortality is the worst pain in this universe. Take care and be happy. . Love you.