Giving comes naturally to love...In fact, to be in love
is to want to give. But that's only the beginning ..(Quite another thing that
this 'giving' is often confused with piling up claims and seeking reclamation
-- most people give for a reason and call it love. That is a DEAL, not love. (
Love as a DEAL is a more popular form of love, and sometimes it translates into
what we commonly call 'marriage' . ( On other occasions, it is simply
'relationship', 'friendship' or whatever other misleading name you can come
by.)
I am often amused at the glorification of marriage by
people who in the end settle for calling it " mutual adjustment - which,
ironically, it generally is) .. "I did this for you -- I gave this up for
you .. and yet you are not ENTIRELY mine." ..kind of school girl/boy
stuff. ( An agony tale of sufferings, sacrifices etc !! No , I am not trying to
make fun of sacrifices and stuff like that; if anything, I am making fun of the
'expectations of reward', or of give and take'. A sacrifice is a glorious
divine thing; but a sacrifice that expects a sacrifice in return is nothing
more than a deal, no matter how romantically attractive it may seem at first.In
reality, its more like a "suicide pact". True, such a sacrifice too
involves heavy costs but costs are on both parties, not just one -- which makes
it a bargain, rather than love.) If its about adjustments, if its about give
and take, for God's sake, call it a give and take,, call it adjustment, however
enlightened; don't call it love) .Unfortunately, this 'romantic glorification
of give and take lingers beyond schools.....
( What I am talking about here is not one sided love,
love unrequited or some other adeolescent stuff like that. That is another form
of sucide, even though it is suffered with the holiest intent. This is another
zone and we can deal with it separately. But one must be extremely watchhful
here because the partition between love in its finest form and one--sided
love is transparent enough to mislead. Perhaps this requires a separate
discussion . But let someone start with a comment, please)
Yes, as I said, love is about giving but that's just the
start....It goes far, far beyond that, reaches a state of sehaj ---cool
acceptance of the other's presence in the way she is, not the way I want her to
be. And if possible, to grow together taking everything/everyone else along --
not excluding them, but taking them along. Some of these others may be
comfortable going along with one of "the two in love" and so it must
be. In love, I must leave her free to build her own private relationships and
seek her own fulfillments wherever she can get happiness, knowing all the while
l that deep into the depths, invisible but strong roots connect me with her--
roots that are unbreakable. Love is roots, not leaves and branches.Leaves and
branches must spread out. They must spread out to fetch more oxygen for the
roots. Stay connected at the root.
All this while, if I am and must be sure of her love --
which, ironically, I wouldn't bother to be if I truly love her. Then I would
know that each one of us is on a journey with a shared goal. Oh, sometimes even
the goals may differ, but what will still bind us is the love we have for each
other and for everything and everyone else in this universe. In the end, I can
not be disloyal to the universe, all of which belongs to me because I am of it
( of all of it) -- made of its atoms just as the one I love also is. ( Star
stuff seeking stars !!)
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