Giving comes naturally to love...In fact, to be in love is to want to give. But that's only the beginning ..(Quite another thing that this 'giving' is often confused with piling up claims and seeking reclamation -- most people give for a reason and call it love. That is a DEAL, not love. ( Love as a DEAL is a more popular form of love, and sometimes it translates into what we commonly call 'marriage' . ( On other occasions, it is simply 'relationship', 'friendship' or whatever other misleading name you can come by.)
I am often amused at the glorification of marriage by people who in the end settle for calling it " mutual adjustment - which, ironically, it generally is) .. "I did this for you -- I gave this up for you .. and yet you are not ENTIRELY mine." ..kind of school girl/boy stuff. ( An agony tale of sufferings, sacrifices etc !! No , I am not trying to make fun of sacrifices and stuff like that; if anything, I am making fun of the 'expectations of reward', or of give and take'. A sacrifice is a glorious divine thing; but a sacrifice that expects a sacrifice in return is nothing more than a deal, no matter how romantically attractive it may seem at first.In reality, its more like a "suicide pact". True, such a sacrifice too involves heavy costs but costs are on both parties, not just one -- which makes it a bargain, rather than love.) If its about adjustments, if its about give and take, for God's sake, call it a give and take,, call it adjustment, however enlightened; don't call it love) .Unfortunately, this 'romantic glorification of give and take lingers beyond schools.....
( What I am talking about here is not one sided love, love unrequited or some other adeolescent stuff like that. That is another form of sucide, even though it is suffered with the holiest intent. This is another zone and we can deal with it separately. But one must be extremely watchhful here because the partition between love in its finest form and one--sided love is transparent enough to mislead. Perhaps this requires a separate discussion . But let someone start with a comment, please)
Yes, as I said, love is about giving but that's just the start....It goes far, far beyond that, reaches a state of sehaj ---cool acceptance of the other's presence in the way she is, not the way I want her to be. And if possible, to grow together taking everything/everyone else along -- not excluding them, but taking them along. Some of these others may be comfortable going along with one of "the two in love" and so it must be. In love, I must leave her free to build her own private relationships and seek her own fulfillments wherever she can get happiness, knowing all the while l that deep into the depths, invisible but strong roots connect me with her-- roots that are unbreakable. Love is roots, not leaves and branches.Leaves and branches must spread out. They must spread out to fetch more oxygen for the roots. Stay connected at the root.
All this while, if I am and must be sure of her love -- which, ironically, I wouldn't bother to be if I truly love her. Then I would know that each one of us is on a journey with a shared goal. Oh, sometimes even the goals may differ, but what will still bind us is the love we have for each other and for everything and everyone else in this universe. In the end, I can not be disloyal to the universe, all of which belongs to me because I am of it ( of all of it) -- made of its atoms just as the one I love also is. ( Star stuff seeking stars !!)